Fireworks Are Dangerous!

Dear Diary,

I've decided I hate fireworks. They're loud, noisy, and annoying. Why the sudden change of heart? Let me indulge you for a little bit.

Mic and I were enjoying a nice, relaxing evening out in the back yard, where the Sizzlin' Liz used to be tied down, under the shelter of the big oak tree. The birds were singing, the crickets were chirping, and the cats purring like small trolling boat motors. And then there was a loud POP! Quickly after followed another POP! And more and more and more followed in quick succession. Mic thought it was the government coming to get him again. Apparently they have found use for his rock-hard abs from the Iron Gym. Apparently Mic thinks I'm a dupe for believing him.

I quickly donned my artillery hat, spread some grease on my face to camouflage myself, and ducked into the bushes on the side of the house. This wasn't military. These were the neighborhood kids. And I was ready for them. There were two of them: about ten years each. They had found an old pipe and were using it to launch bottle rockets at us. Luckily I had just finished making a bottle rocket crossbow, securely hidden in the bushes. Within seconds I was loaded and fired my first shot into the fatter of the two porkers, exploding right in front of him. Oh how he squealed like a piggy! I couldn't give away my location, because they would report me, even though they started this. I waited until they were gone for at least five minutes, long enough to make sure they weren't bringing more target practice reinforcements.

I pulled Mic from his hiding spot under the porch and gave him a Mic Biscuit (patent pending). Just after he calmed down, a police officer strolled into the back yard, the fat piglets trailing behind him. In short, the officer made me apologize to the grotesque creature, and give up my crossbow, but he didn't catch glimpse of me sticking my tongue out at the little twerp.

After all was said and done, the donut-munching officer left with his shadow, I had to give Mic another Biscuit to calm him down. As I was fuming, I noticed a brick on the ground. I hadn't realized how scared I was at the time, but there you have it. It serves as a reminder that I shouldn't use fireworks from now on. I'll just use rocks instead on those lovely neighborhood children, next time.

You can wipe off your war paint now, Diary, it's all over.
-Liz >:-/